1 Red, 2 Yellows

Something really mysterious happened today during worship practice! I didn't bring my yellow soft guitar pick because it wasn't in my wallet today, and I was using the harder red pick. It made my left hand cramp a bit maybe because I'm not used to the stiffness. Halfway through I sat down at the drums and put the red pick into my pocket, and when I returned to my guitar, I was holding a yellow pick and found a second one in my pocket 😳. Which made playing totally better after. No more hand cramps because of the appearance of the soft yellow ones!

The strange thing is, the red pick totally disappeared and on it's place are two yellow picks! And the red one never left my hand or pocket till it disappeared. And I thought my pocket was empty before the practice!

VERY INTERESTING! Maybe God knew I needed the soft pick and He swapped them 😂😂😂

Here's an update: 

The yellow picks look like ones I've used before. Maybe they had been in the shorts pocket and washed together. But the interesting thing is the timing! Cause I didn't find anything in there before practice and then the red one disappeared and I couldn't find it even after overturning my pockets during practice. 

And the red one suddenly reappeared a while after I got home when I reached into the pocket again! O.O

Miracle or not, I think the timings and appearances of the picks is really cool! Cause I feel that through this God's reassuring me He knows my needs my needs and provides in His timings! And He knows what I need at the exact times. Praise God! 😄

I've been feeling super fretful about work this week because I truly had bad writers' block for my HASS Essay on Organizational Design. It took me a really long time to finish it and I submitted it to Turnitin 5 minutes before the deadline. With that. I'd a lot of homework from Supply Chains and Simulations left to clear and these are really difficult. But it just feels reassuring that these things will eventually be completed and I don't need to waste energy worrying about them!

I've always wondered how it was like to experience something tangible from God and I think this is is considered one. It's humbling that He would make what I need appear at the time when I was suffering and needed it. Father, thank you for everything!

SUTD Week 3 (The Start)

Right now I'm on bus 14 on the way back to hostel from the Conjunct mid point presentation at the hub. It's been a pretty tiring and dissatisfying day in school in terms of academic lessons - Probability Simulations is tough to understand. On a brighter note, my interview for the winter IAP at MIT went pretty well, and I'm thankful for that! 

So that's some context as to how my day has been. I sometimes feel tired and inadequate, especially after spending almost my entire weekend doing things related to ministry, unrelated to self improvement in school, but I ultimately realize that it's not something I should be comparing about, but I am thankful for all these opportunities to give back to God in a tangible way. 

On a funny note, this is the photo we took in the gym last Monday, after we all ended up there without planning to!

Chunyong actually exercised! HAHAHAHA and his motivation was the IPPT. 

Shine Kids

Feeling really really really tired as of now, going home from Shine Kids. Today, there were about 5 volunteers to 20 kids and the boys were really rowdy. I realized I need to learn how to look stern and be fierce when I need too, and do that well. But on a nicer note, Nicholas came today to help teach the upper primary kids frisbee, and we had a really good time! And because there were only 3 upper primary kids, I was able to get the lesson about respect across nicely, toether with Nicholas, who then helped them see how they could apply 'respect' in playing frisbee! 

Though I feel tired, I feel this inner joy in serving still in this local mission field. It's a joy that comes from Jesus' love for me and love for the children of the world. A nice text from Ian about joy in serving really helped put all this into perspective! 

Blogging from my phone is pretty awesome (: I think I will update about life on-the-go from now on!

God, give me strength, when everything is crashing down at the same time.
Here's where I can't even say some things to the closest friends I have because they will judge me anyway.

The Next To Dos

There is really just so much that I want to write about, reflect, log down and share, especially since summer is coming to a close. The thing about having so many activities and things to do everyday is that life becomes a fast blur. Everyday, coming home tired and needing to sleep to wake up for work again just prevents the process of thinking, learning and appreciating what has happened. 

I really wanted to blog about my Europe trip in June but I haven't even had time to sort out the photos from the trip in Lightroom. And then about the then upcoming (now present) Conjunct project I'm working on, then about the little awesome things that happen, such as the love I see growing in my girls' SG, and all the really interesting events that have been happening. There have certainly been many challenges, especially in relationships, but this isn't the platform to write about that just yet.

These are the significant events that have occurred this summer and I do want to log them down. I know every time I say it, I will just forget it. So I will not think too much and just get down to writing them this week before school begins! 

1. Europe Trip

2. Conjunct Project

3. YMLC

4. Meetup with a dear old friend - Ena

5. Extended Leaders Retreat 

6. Turning 21 & My Birthday Party

7. 10S55 2014 Reunion - Growth & Maturity

8. Frost & Sullivan Internship 

9. Garden Festival

10. Big Picture Workshop

11. Trampoline Park - Weightlessness & Fears

12. Shine Kids 

I have quite a few things to do today first, which is to sort out my photo library and clear memory space on my phone, tidy up my room, and to spend some time just resting and asking God about a lot of things. And planning the CF camp game, which Marcus has already given me all the resources to help me with! (:

Weekend Update and Walking On Water

How does one start updating about things that have already passed, when time is flying so fast and no one's slowing down to wait? Well, here we go!

I extracted 2 wisdom teeth on Thursday evening and thus took a half day and MC on Friday. I spent Saturday baking cream cheese cupcakes to see if they would be suitable for my party next month!

I really don't want a pink party but I wanted to try adding one drop of red colour to the cream

Taaaadaaaaa!

The weekend was a good time of rest, yet it wasn't. It wasn't the recovery phase of the tooth extraction that was annoying, but a lot of annoyance going on in the household - My grandma's old helper left after her contract ended, and they got her a new one, only that this new one had a whole ton of problems in both attitude and MAJOR motion sickness (giddiness just from taking the elevator, and not being able to take the MRT for more than 3 stops without feeling giddy). Anyway, the weekend was rather drama-mama with them in my house (luckily my dad is overseas now and that's one person less in this squeezy HDB flat, or there'd be too much going on). That just made everyone in the household edgy and definitely took a toll on my emotional health. Anyway, they've taken her back to the agency because my grandma frequently travels between my house and her own house, so her helper needs to be able to travel too.

Sometimes I feel so small and crushed by feelings of annoyance, which leads to total irrationality - like wasting a perfectly good night moping around and not doing anything productive or meaningful. I tell myself that it's not worth to waste my time because of such irrationality, but the mind just behaves so sometimes. But anyway, I've been feeling like people just don't truly care about me, with the exception of one or two very good friends and Ian. Sometimes I feel like I'm just this disposable friend who doesn't really matter when they don't feel like it. But that reveals an even worse problem for this season, I guess, which is the root of where this insecurity comes from - not finding security in the love and promises of God, and not finding rest in Him. But tonight, as I was irritatedly trying to  play and sing Kelly Clarkson and Simple Plan on the guitar, I was suddenly led to find the lyrics and chords for Britt Nicole's Walk On The Water

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go
So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too

We all have a ton of insecurities and idols we cling on to in our lives, and this in this season, I've come to realise it's human approval. I want God's approval but on top of that, I subconsciously want human approval. But that's not what it should be, because the only one that matters is God, and I want to put the desire for His approval first. The want for human approval shows cowardice towards man and indifference to God as we'd end up caving to the former. I wonder how many of you struggle with that? I guess I'm not afraid to say it because I have confidence that God will help me overcome.
I don't want to stay stagnant in my walk with God just because of irrationality as well. This is what I'm convicted to do - Just stop running and talk to Him! Because really, we are made for so much more than what we can see in this life, and really, what is there to lose when we throw our insecurities aside and just have faith in Jesus? Because if I take that first step into the unknown, He won't let me go.

Tomorrow will be a better day, because I can walk on the water, too (:

Overwhelming June & July

I have officially not updated this space for a month and a week! It's been exactly a month since I left for Europe. Since then, I've travelled through 8 or 9 countries in Europe, saw awesome sights along the way, bought some cool souvenirs and then just completed my 2nd week of internship at Frost & Sullivan. I just manage to import all the photos from the Europe trip into Lightroom this afternoon, and shall be reviewing them soon! In the meantime, I really do want to blog about my Europe trip before I forget what I saw! Thankfully I posted at least one collage of photos on instagram everyday and that really acted as a travel journal! 

But I'm just so tired from another day of work and from going for the SUTD Gala dinner. Will update tomorrow! :D