How does one start updating about things that have already passed, when time is flying so fast and no one's slowing down to wait? Well, here we go!
I extracted 2 wisdom teeth on Thursday evening and thus took a half day and MC on Friday. I spent Saturday baking cream cheese cupcakes to see if they would be suitable for my party next month!
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| I really don't want a pink party but I wanted to try adding one drop of red colour to the cream |
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| Taaaadaaaaa! |
The weekend was a good time of rest, yet it wasn't. It wasn't the recovery phase of the tooth extraction that was annoying, but a lot of annoyance going on in the household - My grandma's old helper left after her contract ended, and they got her a new one, only that this new one had a whole ton of problems in both attitude and MAJOR motion sickness (giddiness just from taking the elevator, and not being able to take the MRT for more than 3 stops without feeling giddy). Anyway, the weekend was rather drama-mama with them in my house (luckily my dad is overseas now and that's one person less in this squeezy HDB flat, or there'd be too much going on). That just made everyone in the household edgy and definitely took a toll on my emotional health. Anyway, they've taken her back to the agency because my grandma frequently travels between my house and her own house, so her helper needs to be able to travel too.
Sometimes I feel so small and crushed by feelings of annoyance, which leads to total irrationality - like wasting a perfectly good night moping around and not doing anything productive or meaningful. I tell myself that it's not worth to waste my time because of such irrationality, but the mind just behaves so sometimes. But anyway, I've been feeling like people just don't truly care about me, with the exception of one or two very good friends and Ian. Sometimes I feel like I'm just this disposable friend who doesn't really matter when they don't feel like it. But that reveals an even worse problem for this season, I guess, which is the root of where this insecurity comes from - not finding security in the love and promises of God, and not finding rest in Him. But tonight, as I was irritatedly trying to play and sing Kelly Clarkson and Simple Plan on the guitar, I was suddenly led to find the lyrics and chords for Britt Nicole's Walk On The Water
You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?
When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go
So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too
So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go
So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too
Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?
So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too
We all have a ton of insecurities and idols we cling on to in our lives, and this in this season, I've come to realise it's human approval. I want God's approval but on top of that, I subconsciously want human approval. But that's not what it should be, because the only one that matters is God, and I want to put the desire for His approval first. The want for human approval shows cowardice towards man and indifference to God as we'd end up caving to the former. I wonder how many of you struggle with that? I guess I'm not afraid to say it because I have confidence that God will help me overcome.
I don't want to stay stagnant in my walk with God just because of irrationality as well. This is what I'm convicted to do - Just stop running and talk to Him! Because really, we are made for so much more than what we can see in this life, and really, what is there to lose when we throw our insecurities aside and just have faith in Jesus? Because if I take that first step into the unknown, He won't let me go.
Tomorrow will be a better day, because I can walk on the water, too (:
I don't want to stay stagnant in my walk with God just because of irrationality as well. This is what I'm convicted to do - Just stop running and talk to Him! Because really, we are made for so much more than what we can see in this life, and really, what is there to lose when we throw our insecurities aside and just have faith in Jesus? Because if I take that first step into the unknown, He won't let me go.
Tomorrow will be a better day, because I can walk on the water, too (:
